EP 397 - Permission to Dream: Why It’s Not Too Late to Reinvent Your Life
If you’ve ever felt like it’s too late to want something more, if you’re sitting on a dream for midlife reinvention, starting over after 50, reinventing yourself after 50, giving yourself permission to dream, finding your purpose after 50, or exploring what’s next for women over 50, this video is your permission slip to stop apologizing for it.
Wanting something new doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful for what you already have, and you don’t have to burn anything down to go after it. This video is about giving yourself the permission nobody else is going to hand you.
We will discuss why wanting more doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful for the life you have, and why the people closest to you may not understand your dream, and why that’s okay. We will cover how to give yourself permission to explore something new without blowing up your life, what delusional optimism really means and why it’s a strength, and how to spend time and money on yourself without guilt. We will also talk about the Rapid Reinvention Framework, the daily practice I built for myself to track my own growth and change.
You don’t need anyone’s permission to want more, and you don’t need a crisis to justify exploring it. You can keep your life exactly as it is and still become a woman who is doing something just for herself. That is where this starts.
If this is resonating, I’d love for you to check out my Rapid Reinvention Framework, $27, here: https://debbie-shadid-shop.fourthwall.com/products/the-rapid-reinvention-framework-for-women-50
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TRANSCRIPT
I want to share something unexpected with you because I keep thinking about this and I'm like, " Where am I gonna talk about this?" And I've decided that it is right here on this podcast. So this is not gonna be a normal business podcast. This is about you, the listener. This is about me and about women in general. The women that I talk to after every consultation, I leave with the same sense like, "Oh my goodness, this is so interesting, the pattern that I see." Women come onto a consultation and they talk to me about what they've been dreaming about doing, this thing that they've had a passion for. They have this, like, itch to do something else, this inner knowing that there's got to be more, or at least they're curious about exploring what coaching could look like for them. And then almost every time right after they share that, they say, "Oh, but you know what? I'm almost at retirement," or, "I have just retired," or, "My life is really good the way it is." And I'm thinking to myself, this is interesting because what does one have to do with the other? your life can be really good and you can still have a dream. The thing is, they're hearing that from other people. When they share with their girlfriends or with their partner or family members or their kids and they say, I really wanna do something else," This is the common thing that faces them, somebody else saying "Oh, well, gosh, you should just be happy with what you have." Does anybody relate to that? What I see is there's a woman with a dream, a desire, this inner knowing that there is something else that they are supposed to be doing, and then almost immediately there's like an apology for wanting to do something. Is this resonating? I really believe it probably is. If we don't know each other, I'm Debbie Shadid. If you are new here, welcome. I help women build beautiful boutique-style coaching businesses. But today is not about you building your business. I just wanna talk about the woman who comes to me interested in building a business because here's what I've realized. This particular woman is looking for meaning. She wants to do something that really matters with the time that she has. She wants to do something with the time that she sees as her time, She wants to do something where, like it's her own thing, where she doesn't have to ask anyone else about it. In a way it's like, I'm gonna do something for myself, but it's funny because women I talk to that want to build a coaching business, they actually want to do it for someone else. A recent client described this to me. She said, "I have this sense of dis-ease." Not like sickness but not of being in ease. She said, "It's like I'm not depressed and I'm not lacking gratitude, but I have this steady hum that's inside of me every day that sort of runs through my life of like there is something else for me. I just don't know what it is." And maybe you've experienced this. You're on a walk, you're away from everybody else, you're quiet, and you start to dream about what it would look like, or you start thinking about what the next thing is. Or maybe you're in the middle of, having a conversation with your spouse in the house and your mind is on something else.
Or you wake up at 2: 3:16
00 in the morning, you think, "Oh, I've got to do this," or, "I wanna go explore this idea." Or maybe you are watching YouTube videos, you're reading books, you're watching things on social media, and it all has to do with this one thing that you are really interested in, and you have this sense of like, I'm supposed to be doing that, or I know I want to explore this. This is what it looks like for so many women, and I have to tell you what's crazy is as soon as they share it, it's almost followed by guilt. Like, I shouldn't be thinking about this. I have other things I could be doing with my time. And here's what makes it so hard is nobody's really talking about this. Nobody is saying, "Now, wait a minute, you should listen to yourself." And they share all of this, and I feel like I can't really have the discussion that I wanna have because I don't wanna feel like I sound like I'm salesy, like I'm just trying to get them to buy something, when in reality, I'm just trying to get somebody to see that they don't need a permission slip to feel the way they feel. They don't need permission to entertain and explore the dream that they have. They don't need anyone else to say," It's your time." You get to decide that, and the thing is you don't have to destroy anything else in the path to be able to do what you want to do. Recently on TikTok, I made a post, and it was about burning your life down, and it's funny because I didn't see that as negative. I was just like, "Come on, it's time to start over. Do what you wanna do." That's what was in my mind, and maybe I'm naive, but it was wildly successful, like 300,000 views over a weekend and hundreds of comments. But all the comments were like,"I'm gonna leave my husband. I'm gonna move. I'm gonna sell my house. I'm leaving my job." It was all around that, and what I wanna say is like you don't have to destroy anything. You don't have to be unappreciative for anything you have. You can appreciate what you have. You can stay married. You can stay where you're living, and you can also explore something new. Another post that I did recently in the last couple weeks was about having delusional optimism, and I thought, "Uh-oh, after I posted that, I'm gonna get the same kind of messages." And truthfully, I don't wanna be surrounded by negative people. I wanna encourage women who want to dream. I wanna encourage women to say you should have permission to do what you want to do, and it doesn't mean that you don't like what you currently have. It means I just want more. You should be able to explore. You should be able to invest. You should be able to make yourself a priority without making somebody else think they're not the priority. So delusional optimism, I was thinking, "Okay, what is that?" And for me it's like I wanna believe something else is possible for me. I wanna believe that I can help a whole bunch of women do something else in their life, just step into the identity of thinking something else might be possible for me, like my time isn't up here, like I might be able to do something really crazy good. What was so fun about that post is it also went to like 300,000 views over a weekend and hundreds of comments, but the comments were about being delusionally optimistic in a good way, like being excited about what it is that is possible for them, and there was a lot about faith. Like faith is almost delusionally optimistic. Like believing in something you cannot see, which I love that because I am a woman of faith. I do believe, God's got a plan for all of us. And that is really resonated with me, and I was so glad to see that people saw delusional optimism as that. So maybe you have worked hard. And maybe you do have this dream, and maybe people are saying like, Don't do that. Don't worry about that. enjoy the time you have." I remember when I became a coach, a certified life coach in 2021. Now mind you, I'd already been in business over two decades, but I got a lot of this, "Oh, Debbie's a coach." Like a pat on the back, sort of like patronizing, Sort of talking down to me. And I remember thinking like, listen, you don't know how amazing coaching is. Life coaching, I believe, is One of the most transformative things anyone can do is to work with a life coach. I didn't like that I was being talked down to, like what I wanted to do was not that important. It is important. If it's what I wanna do, it's important, Maybe you're being told just enjoy your retirement. And in fact, if I'm gonna be quite honest, my husband was kind of saying that to me a couple of days ago, like, "Why do you work so hard?" I don't work hard. I love what I'm doing. I work because I wanna work. I work because I have a mission, because I have a passion. And I was thinking to myself, well, what is that taking away from him? Nothing. maybe me not watching TV with him, which is what I'm doing right now. I'm up here, it's in the evening, I had this idea, like I just needed to connect with you. Maybe it's that. most of the people I think that are talking to you about enjoying your retirement, they really do mean well. It's just they don't have the same inner knowing that you have. I don't think it's that they don't want you to be happy, it's maybe that they don't understand. They don't understand why you would want to do something. And here's what I have to say. They don't have to understand, because it's not about choosing one or the other. It's not about disrespecting your friend or your loved ones who are saying you don't need to do something. It's about saying, " No, this really means something to me, and I really want to explore this," no matter what it is. It could be something as simple as you deciding you are going to take painting lessons. Yes. I hear women who don't even want to do that, because they feel like they shouldn't, like they need to be careful. And I have to challenge you and say many spouses play golf. And I say this with so much love, too. Many spouses play golf, and they don't think anything about it. And it's so interesting as women how we think about these things, and I'm gonna say they don't. Okay? I know I'm being judgmental here, and I really do mean it with love, but it's interesting. How is it that somebody else cannot have a thought about spending a lot of money on golf, about being gone on the weekend, or some people are playing golf every day of the week, and they don't have a second thought about it? How is it that we are wired to first think, I need to do laundry today, I need to run errands, I need to take care of the grandkids, And the spouse is just like, "Hey, I'm going to play golf today." Not a thought in the world. I was thinking, how is it that we can have that same attitude? And what if we did just say, "Well, actually, this is what I'm doing today," and we didn't put it on ourselves like we're wrong for not wanting to do the thing that we thought we should do. What do you think about that? I think most people don't realize that opportunity is actually available to them. Of course, there's gonna be some people in your life where their feathers are a little bit ruffled when you say to your kids, "I'm sorry I can't take care of the grandkids because I joined a coaching program. I'm sorry I can't. I'm exploring what's next for me." Whatever it is. Yes, there's gonna be some people that are like, "Really, Mom?" Something like that. But it's okay. They just have to learn what the version of you is today, the one who is doing something different. So maybe the point of this is permission. Maybe the point is, can you give yourself permission to dream, to believe that you have time to do something, to say it's not too late? I have women that I work with that are in their upper 70s that are starting businesses, and do you know what's different about them? They're not asking anybody's permission. They're literally like, "I wanna do this." They're not thinking it's too late or they're too old, and I have to tell you, those women, they seem to be the most vibrant young women that I know, and I believe it's because they're going for something new. They're excited about doing something. They're willing to bet on themselves. They're willing to explore something different. And a lot of women that I work with are like, "I don't really need to make any money. I'm kind of set, but I'm not satisfied. I want to do something else." I don't believe in living in regret. So whatever your past has been, there's no problem with it. I'm talking about you thinking about the future that you want to create, and you don't have to rewrite anything to be able to say you want more. I think this is one of the interesting things that comes with all of this that is confusing to understand. Just because you want something different doesn't mean you don't appreciate what you had or what you currently have. I believe that moving forward with intention is really a magical choice, and I believe that's what so many women really want to do. They want to be having that delusional optimism, not because they're naive, but because they believe that there is something that is still out there for them. They want to take action. I know that at this age, so many of us aren't scared to fail. We're not worried about what anybody thinks on the grand scale, but within our own close network, our own kids, our own spouse, within our closest friends, we are worried about that. it's interesting how that works, We're not worried about what everybody else will think if we do this, but we are worried about the people closest to us. I just wanna challenge you, sit with this and think about what I'm saying. I would love to hear from you in the comments. I actually have something that I have created recently called the Rapid Reinvention Framework. This is something that I was doing for myself, and I wanna share a little bit about it with you. At the first of this year, and actually the end of last year, it's almost been a full year, I had started working on changing my own thinking, and I started by focusing on gratitude first. And I spent the last quarter of last year really focused on gratitude and just loving what I had. Everything, the good, the bad, the challenges, and the amazing things. And I will tell you, gratitude is fuel, and you know that, I'm sure, but it's different when you sit down and intentionally do it. Ten things to be grateful for every single day, even on the days when you don't feel like doing it. To just be grateful that you're here, that you can even have a mind that can think about things to be grateful for, right? You can go on a walk, you have a house, you have a computer, There are so many things that we take for granted. gratitude is kind of where I started. Then at the first of the year, I decided, you know what? I want to become unrecognizable at the end of the year, and I'm almost at the end of the year. And I thought, there are some big things that I wanna work towards, and I wanna live a life on my terms. Not because I'm burning anything down, but I wanna live life on my terms. So I created a framework, and I decided to enlist AI. So I use Claude, I call him my boyfriend, but I use AI to help me track my growth, to help me remember that everything in my life is actually working out for me. I always say, "Everything's working out for me," and so it does. And I have used this framework that I created, that I use with Claude, or you can use it with Chat GPT, and honestly, it's been mind-blowing what I have created, the change, the shifts, the relationships that have improved, the way that I feel more comfortable in my life. I know it's crazy what I'm talking about, but I wanna share that with you. I'm gonna leave a link in the comments. I am gonna call it the Rapid Reinvention Framework. I actually taught this to two different communities of women, and there was hundreds of people that have used this, and I get feedback all the time on it. So I wanna make this available to you too. It's about you measuring all the things that are working for you. It's about finding even small goals that you have and really intentionally pouring into yourself. This framework will give you the space to explore what you might want to do next and what that would look like, and how to step forward into your future self, this new identity, without changing anything else around you. In fact, when I think about this framework, this Rapid Reinvention Framework, one of the principles in it is that you do it in secret. Not because you're trying to hide anything, but because I think that sometimes we have to work things out within ourselves first, and we have to become somebody different, and we can do all of that without anybody else needing to know about it. I have been on this journey of change, and people around me are like, "Something's different about you," and nobody really knows what because I know what's different. I know what I've been working on. I'll leave this linked below. Check it out. It is a master class and the process that I have used. Again, it's been so fun. I heard from somebody this last week who was like, "Oh, my goodness, I never knew how much I could appreciate about myself. Once I started tracking all the wins and all that I've accomplished and how everything does really work out for me, it's just changed who I was." So I'd love to introduce that to you. But today, what I really want to do is ask you to think about yourself, to look at your life and say, "How do I live a life that is regret free? How do I do something for myself that doesn't blow anything else up? How do I become somebody who says that I can make time for myself, that I can spend money on myself?" I'll use that example about the golf again, my friend. Golf is expensive. Sending your grandkids to all the places that we do with our grandkids is expensive. We have spent our life giving to our kids. It's okay to give to yourself. Whatever it is, do this for yourself. take a cooking class. Buy something at the grocery store that goes, like, above and beyond, Something that you've wanted. Cook something different. Those things are not selfish. What I really want you to hear is that there's a woman inside of you, and I know this because I talk to hundreds of women. There's somebody inside of you that you should give permission to that person to come out. There is a better version and a bigger be unleashed, waiting to come out. Do you know what an inspiration that you could be to people around you? Do you know what impact you could have on your kids, on your grandkids? Do you know what a difference you could make in your own closest relationships if you focus on you and you change who you are? If you step into a new identity, a bigger identity, a bigger belief, the satisfaction that you will have… I know this 'cause I've done it. The satisfaction that you will have is gonna be immeasurable. So I hope this is landing for you. This is my message to you. If you find yourself having that dis-ease, if that's how you describe yourself, if you have a dream, I really wanna encourage you to embrace it and to start asking yourself, " How can I spend money and time, or time and money, whichever order it is, on myself without feeling guilty? How can I live a life where I don't feel like I have to justify what I'm doing? How can I do all of that and not hurt anyone else, but be able to give to myself?" 'Cause you deserve it. My friend, you deserve it. You've lived an incredible life. You've done so much for everyone else. This is a time that you get to explore something for yourself. Hit Subscribe if you like this. I might be doing a whole series on topics like this, because I'm very interested in this, and I've spent 26 years listening to women, supporting women in all types of businesses. I've heard these stories over and over again. The voice that they cannot quiet of what it is that they want. If I have shared something that matters to you, or if you wanna tell me in the comments what it is that you're interested in, what is next for you, I wanna hear about it. My Rapid Reinvention Framework is $27. If you're interested in exploring it, I'll leave the link right here. Otherwise, I hope this sort of shook you up. I hope it made you think about what is next for you. I hope I got your attention. You have earned whatever it is you really want, and I believe that God gave you that desire because it's time for you to do something with it. I believe there is a way. If that desire is in you, I believe there's a way for you to make it your reality. It's just up to you to say yes to it. So that's it, my friend. I appreciate you. Thanks for being here. Take care and be well. Until next time, bye-bye.
